Day 9 (Wow, it's been awhile...)

Wow, it's been 5 days and feels like an eternity...

So I take it if you've successfully found my blog now, you've noticed the change. No longer will I call this my "Boy Diet", for I was never keeping my focus from guys alone. I also reviewed exactly what the word "diet" means to me and several other people.

If you are on a food diet, what to you primarily focus on, or at least crave? Food. Whatever you diet from, you want that more so, because you know you can't (or shouldn't) have it. I'm not doing this on my own.

I am flesh fasting. To quote what I said to someone who asked exactly what I was doing to "diet":

"I actually -hate- the term "Boy diet". But I've heard it called that through a couple of people, and so I naturally labeled it that. I am physically and mentally restricting myself from anything that I felt was standing in between God and I. Thoughts about guys, gone. It's hard, but gone. I've put off trying to find my future spouse, on my own that... See More is. If God puts a man in front of me tomorrow and I hear Him say "This is your husband" (however He'd like to say it), then I will heed to His call, and listen to Him. I've also taken away all of my music, other than what I find to be uplifting spiritually. I used to be a HUGE Ramones fan, that music, shirt, and poster, gone. It was really hard for me as well, especially since some of my best friend from home are into some...awful music that I used to love. I've cut some friendships that were no longer helping me grow spiritually.

I'm not technically "Boy dieting", but I struggled especially with being lonely. I was always looking for a boyfriend/future husband. Almost ever guy I would look at, I'd think, "Is that him? Will I marry this guy?" and I wasn't allowing God to show Him to me. I was just...looking. Now I'm looking, but only for God. Whatever He puts in my path as I walk along side Him, I will take notice to. Other than that, I have blinders on to the rest of the world."

And this isn't happening primarily. I'm not dropping these fleshy ways to focus on God. I'm focusing on Him only, which I then see, with His help, what was keeping me from Him and they naturally become unnecessary. I no longer have a need/want of my fleshy ways. I am focusing on God and crucifying my flesh, and in turn, my crucified flesh is no longer in the way of my focus on God.

I know this was not much of an update, but I really hope this helps you understand where I'm coming from. I really do promise to update, soon. I just wanted to get the term that seemed so...wrong out of the way.

No more "Boy Diet", now this is my Flesh Fast